Howdy, fans! As the official Votergasm spokeswoman, I get so much email from adoring fans that I can’t respond to it all. Here are a few of your comments, selected more or less at random, and my replies. If you have a question I haven’t answered below, send it along to [email protected]. Thanks!

Ken F. in Wyoming writes:

I live in Wyoming and you are offering sex to vote well i would love to vote but I think you are all fucked…….. uppppppppppppppppppped Lets get realllllll your site is just a bunch of crap just to get a riselllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll out of the presss and it aint for realllllllllllllll so fuckk offfffffffff and die assholesssssssssssssssssssssss

Dear Ken:

Are you okay? If, as it appears, you’re alone and you suffered a stroke while writing this message, I’m worried that you won’t be found for days. Wyoming people? Please stop in to see Ken F.

Concerned, Michelle

Deena writes:

What are you going to say to Jesus and God? 

Dear Deena:

Great question! I’d ask God about where he thinks the next Real World will be located, and why the show sucks now. Then I’d ask what God’s favorite Real World season is. Then we’d all just sit around on the porch, drinking Crystal Light, and soaking up the sunset. And I’d ask Jesus to forgive me.

Faithfully, Michelle

HDN Cash writes:

I will bet you 10,000 dollars that you won’t put your picture on the website. I will bet another 10,000 dollars that you are a fat, pasty white, patchouli-wearing liberal skank whore who would fuck limbaugh laying on the side of the road. How about this, go fuck yourself.

Dear HDN:

$10,000! You must be very successful. I like successful men. I tell you what. You put up the cash, I’ll put up the pic. But you’d lose the other ten grand, too. While I do not wear patchouli, I have been known to use a sprig or three in “Michelle’s Famous Mint Jelly.” I hear Limbaugh loves eating mint jelly on the side of the road, so in a way, you’re half-right. Maybe just make the check out for $15,000 and we’ll call it even?

Faithfully, Michelle

D. Suttmale writes:

Might-makes-right or Right-makes-might. 
It is our choice! Chose to-be-Right!!!!!!!

Dear D. Suttmale:

Rhymes-are-good and Good-are-rhymes
But you do not make sense this times!!!

Faithfully, Michelle

Tony writes:

Hi Michelle,

I love your site.I dont have anyone to share Votergasm with, and was wondering if I may have a seductive picture of you to fantasize about on election night and if you would be willing to let me talk to you on the phone and fantasize about you?

Dear Tony:

Awww… that’s so sweet! I bet someone out there is thinking the exact same thing about you. But in case you don’t find her/him, why don’t you band together with Mr. $10,000 above, scrape up some dough, and I’ll see if I can whip up a couple of glamour shots for you fellas.

Flattered, Michelle

Charlie writes:

Dear Michelle,

I first became aware of your campaign for "Votergasms" yesterday while surfing the web. I fully support your effort and want to make a special pledge of my own. I am thirty-two years of age and have voted in every major election, state and federal, since 1990 when I turned eighteen that year. In fact, I walked to my city government’s office on the day of my 18th birthday to register to vote because I believed so strongly in exercising my civic duty. Because I was born and raised in a religiously conservative home, I have been waiting until marriage before giving up my virginity. However, I think I’ve been waiting more than long enough now that I’m thirty-two years old.

After discovering your website yesterday, I’ve decided this is the perfect time and opportunity to pledge my virginity to a voter on election night. No, this isn’t a joke. I’m completely serious. I would appreciate any help you could provide in possibly bringing this about for me and someone else. I am a straight male who is disease and drug-free, college educated, and an easy-going, fun-loving kind of guy. I’m 5’8" with green/grey eyes, fair skin, and auburn hair (although I usually shave my head). I am of average build at 155 lbs and clean cut. I hope to hear back from you if this intrigues you in any way. Once again, let me state that this isn’t a joke and that I am serious in sending this email to you.

Dear Charlie:

While I support people’s decisions to abstain from sex until marriage, I must say I’m glad you wrote in. You’re 32, gosh darn it! And I imagine that a man such as yourself, a man so dedicated to his duties as an American, would be a dedicated and fulfilling lover on election night.

So, ladies in the Little Rock area, if you are a voter, and if you are interested in taking the virginity of a clean-cut, fit man in his early 30’s, write me at [email protected]. Charlie, here’s hoping I can “catch you a catch.”

Sincerely, Michelle

Susan M. writes:

No where have I seen mention of "SAFE SEX"!!!! What happened to condoms?

I may not be as young as the folks you are seeking to get to the polls but I will do my best to honor my pledge. My husband could use a little, and he VOTES!

Good luck with your endeavor.

Dear Susan:

As we stipulate on the Votergasm pledge page: “Pledge-fulfilling sex must be consensual, legal, and generous. And safe. And hot.” We expect every pledger to stay true to our stipulations. We take stipulating very seriously.

As far as your husband needing to get “a little”, whose fault is that, Susan? Maybe you should look in the mirror before you throw stones.

He loves you, Susan.

Warmly, Michelle

James in Oregon writes:

Hi Michelle,

My wife is French and can’t vote yet. I plan on voting though — since I live in Oregon and we vote by mail I’ll probably vote in late October. So although I’d like to take the Votergasm pledge, I’m a bit confused as to what it would require of me.

Can I give my wife an orgasm Nov. 2/Nov. 3 since she wants to vote? If not, must I cheat on my wife? And if I vote on say, Oct 28th, must I be limited to extra-marital sex through Nov 3rd?

Dear James:

James, James, James. Stop right there. I sensed a problem from the very first sentence of your message. You see, James, your wife is French. And I hate to break it to you, friend of friends, but odds are, your wife is probably fucking someone else behind your back. Because, let’s face it, the French are whores. Instead of writing tongue-in-cheek emails to complete strangers, you should probably be out mending your marriage / exacting revenge. Good luck.

Truthfully, Michelle

Rush Limbaugh says:

"Here’s what I want you to do. Be nice when you go to this place, do not insult them. Don’t question their depraved morality or any of that. Don’t go there. Do not pull that. Go on there, fool ’em, think you’re all excited about this, you know, log on and make ’em think that the whole world is signing up for this thing because they can’t wait to have a votergasm on November 2nd with whoever these alums are that are going to be offering themselves in service to a vote on November 2nd. And then give ’em a slogan, when you log on, just say something along the lines of, ‘I knew I’d get screwed if I voted for Kerry.’"

[Transcript] [Audio Clip]

Many Many People write:

If Kerry is elected, you will all be screwed.

Dear Many Many People:

Thanks for your interest in Votergasm! You can donate to’s election-night sex campaign by clicking here. Boy, it’s really starting to feel like the whole world is signing up for this thing!

Appreciatively, Michelle

Mr. Handcock writes:

I knew I would get screwed votong for KERRY

Dear Mr. Handcock:

Thanks for your input. As the director of a non-partisan voter
turnout site, I am very interested to hear about your "votong".

Sincerely, Michelle

Hank writes:

Vote for Kerry and take it up the ASS OR TRUNK.

Hank writes:

Vote for Kerry and take it up the ASS OR TRUNK.

Hank writes:

Vote for Kerry and take it up the ASS OR TRUNK.

Hank writes:

Vote for Kerry and take it up the ASS OR TRUNK.

Hank writes:

Vote for Kerry and take it up the ASS OR TRUNK.

Dear Hank:

Thanks for your feedback, Hank! I liked the third one the best.

Hey, everybody: keep emailing us your funny jokes!

ROTFL, Michelle

Marshall R. writes:

Rush wants you !!!

Dear Marshall:

Do you really think so?!? What did he say?!? I saw him in the hallway between class today and was SO NERVOUS!! I could NOT, like, LOOK at HIM! LOL! But I think you MIGHT BE RIGHT!!! EEEEEE!
Slip him a note tomorrow in Algebra and find out more info… Circle yes or no style!! TTYL! x infinity.

Sincerely, Michelle